I think about Maryellen often. I still miss her and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.
Domestic Violence is a subject that many of us choose to ignore.
Often, it doesn’t even enter our minds until it is too late.
Many of us only think about it when it hits close to home.
I was one of those individuals…
I never imagined that one of my close friends was silently dealing with a domestic violence situation
.
She was extremely strong ~ mentally and physically. She’d give you her last dollar if you needed it. She was very talented in Boxing, MMA, and BJJ. She was very spunky. She was full of life and love… and had a super personality.
Of all the people {women} in my circle of friends, never did I ever imagine that she would be a victim and that her life would actually end in domestic violence.
This past Sunday, November 2nd, was All Soul’s Day. At mass, our priest asked us to come forward, light a candle, and say a prayer for those who have left their earthly life and have gone beyond to their life in heaven. I said a special prayer for Maryellen Cano.
3 years ago, sometime during the 24 hours between November 6th and November 7th, Maryellen’s life ended and she became one of my Guardian Angels.
There is no doubt in my mind that she is watching over me {and all those who knew her well} in everything I do.
I love you, Maryellen. May you forever rest in peace.
My soul is blessed and I have found peace in knowing that one day I will see you again.
Last week, we celebrated what would have been Daddy’s 81st Birthday.
Sixteen years ago, at the age of 65, he unexpectedly died of a massive heart attack.
He was an Old Military War Horse.
A retired {26 years served} Air Force Chief Master Sergeant {CMSgt}.
A rugged Korean and Vietnam War era veteran, whom we always believed would outlive us and whom we undoubtedly thought could live FOREVER.
On Saturday night, my Big Brother and I sat at the bar of a little Mexican Restaurant and raised our beer mugs to honor “The Old Dude” whom we now affectionately refer to as: “Mr. Anderson” (a long story).
Later, we relaxed at home in the living room, toked on an half-smoked Cohiba (a REAL Cuban, left over from New Year’s Eve), and “clinked” shot glasses full of Jack Daniels – all while we laughed and shared tales of our childhood.
This was the first time we’d celebrated Daddy’s birthday together in years. It was a surreal experience. Daddy was definitely with us that night – in Spirit.
Our memories of Daddy are similar, yet very different. My Brother and I share most stories word-for-word, yet some other “Daddy Tales” seem more like third person fables that have been passed through the years of our lives.
A five-year gap between me and my Brother’s ages caused Daddy to relate to each of us differently… We assume THAT is the catalyst of our different memories.
Still, it’s funny that although Daddy has been gone from this earth for so many years, that night, both of us admitted that we still seek Daddy’s wisdom and advice on a daily basis.
You may find it strange, but I probably “talk” to Daddy more now than I did during the last years of his life.
How could that be possible?
Well, Daddy comes to me in my dreams, he speaks to me when I am troubled and alone. At times when I find I need an “extra push”, or when I need help with a difficult dilemma, he’s there to gently nudge me along. For simple decisions or even for the most complex issues, he is there to offer his advice.
I liken it to the tiny Angel and/or Devil that the Protagonist feels sitting on his shoulders while in the midst of a difficult decision.
It is similar a quick phone call to a Buddy to ask her opinion: “Should I choose Red or White?” or just like a “Phone a Friend” option on a game show. Either way, Daddy is always there for me.
Today, as I drove to the gym, I thought about some of the life lessons that Daddy taught me = Future Fodder for this blog…
Occasionally, it does me well to reflect on these and consider their validity.
A Few Lessons from My Daddy:
You need to be happy to survive this life. Do what YOU love and don’t surrender = You will always be happy.
Nothing has to be permanent. Although there may be consequences, you ALWAYS have the option to change your mind.
Never, Never, Ever burn the bridge. That bridge could lead you to new and exciting places that you never knew existed -OR- you may need to cross that bridge again to go back from whence you came.
We are taught to LOVE one another, but no one ever said that we have to LIKE one another. To be Cordial is enough.
It’s a small world… You’re gonna keep running into the same folks over and over and over again. Keep THAT in mind, because, one day, either YOU or The Other Guy is gonna need a favor. {In other words: Just keep it Cordial.}
Whether he’s your Daddy literally or figuratively, or Dead or Alive, I’m certain that each of us have bits of wisdom from our “Daddy” that guides us through our lives.
Today, I challenge you by asking:
“Who’s YOUR Daddy?”
and
“What are some of the life lessons that he’s taught you?”
My Best Friend came home this week.
His visit had been planned for several weeks.
Little did he know, He came home when I needed him most.
It’s funny how things work out.
He came running…
And I am Thankful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For all my life, I have been The Responsible One.
I’ve been The Go-to-Gal.
I’ve been The ONE in Control.
When it’s lost, I’ll find it.
When it’s off kilter, I’ll tap it.
When it’s twisted, I’ll unwind it.
If you cry, I wipe your tears.
Need a hug?
I hug like no other.
Want to talk?
Call me.
I throw the party.
I mix the drinks.
I plan the menu.
I keep the jokes flowing.
I spend most of my days “fixing” Things.
I fix Friends.
I fix things at Work.
I fix things at Home.
I even fix things that don’t belong to me.
I walk the Walk.
I talk the Talk.
I play the Game.
Without doubt, when you need Me,
I am There.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to Wikipedia:
“You’ve Got a Friend” was written by Carole King during the January 1971 recording sessions for her own album Tapestry, and James Taylor’s album Mud Slide Slim. King has stated that “the song was as close to pure inspiration as I’ve ever experienced. The song wrote itself. It was written by something outside myself, through me.” King’s album was recorded in an overlap with Taylor’s, and King, Danny Kortchmar, and Joni Mitchell perform on both. The song is included on both albums; King said in a 1972 interview that she “didn’t write it with James or anybody really specifically in mind. But when James heard it he really liked it and wanted to record it”.
Taylor’s version was released as a single, and reached number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and number 4 on the UK Singles Chart. The James Taylor version also spent one week at the top of the Easy Listening charts.
James Taylor and Carole King performed “You’ve Got a Friend” together in 2010 during their Troubadour Reunion Tour, as video screens show the two as they looked when the song was first written and recorded.
According to author James D. Perone, the song’s themes include an expression of “a universal, sisterly/brotherly, agape-type love of one human being for another, regardless of gender.” The “reassuring” lyrics have long made the song popular with lonely people needing a boost of self-confidence. The song’s messages of friendship having no boundaries and a friend being there when you are in need has universal appeal. For Taylor the lyrics had particular resonance due to the depression he had recovered from shortly before hearing King play the song.
I was awakened early this morning by the sound of my cell phone ringing and sad news of the passing of a Good Friend.
I cried.
I’ve continued to cry for the better part of the day.
And as the day has gone on, I’ve received call after call and text after text from friends far and near.
So sad.
Calls to extend condolences & hugs and ask for explanations or details of what actually happened to our friend.
We may never know.
One thing is for certain, we all have great memories of Mark Selbee.
Mark was Everyone’s Best Friend.
Mark made everyone laugh.
Found on a friend’s FB page this evening: “R.I.P. Selbee. You were a pain in the ass and you loved every minute of it.”
Sooooo, True!
And to THAT allow me to add this: —–> Mark was the only guy I knew who could punch a dude in the face while training/sparring — break the dude’s nose and then make him think it was his own damn fault.
I can hear Selbee laughing about it now.
Peace Be With You, Mark Selbee.
We will pray for you.
And our prayers will continue for your wife – Amy and your children, your entire family and all those whose lives you have touched…
Hopefully, we will see you again on the other side.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia::::::::Mark A. Selbee(March 2, 1969 – May 24, 2014) was an American kickboxer from Atlanta, Georgia. He had recently expanded his knowledge of martial arts to include Brazilian jiu jitsu and trained out of Knuckle Up Fitness in Atlanta.
Mark Selbee
Born
Mark A. Selbee March 2, 1969 (age 45) Atlanta, Georgia, United States
She’d listened to a few of my “He just broke up with me” stories…
And I’d done the same for her.
We’d hung out together when there was no one else around.
Our apartments were two floors apart.
On some Friday nights, we would be almost penniless.
Neither of us would have enough money to buy a six pack.
We’d dump our purses, gather what little change we had, and drive to the Beer Store to purchase a quart to cry over.
For entertainment:
We opened the curtains to the sliding glass door, cranked up the music, and danced with our reflections while the radio played full blast.
Our neighbors would knock on the ceiling to ask us to “Turn it down!”
When her son was born, He would not acknowledge him…
But, I did.
I was there to see his birth.
I saw him step on his first school bus.
I watched him graduate high school.
Our lives moved in different directions.
We lost track of time and years.
We missed each other.
Her son called today to tell me the news.
“She is Gone.”
I have been accused of many things in my lifetime, but recently was taken aback when I was accused of Disrespecting you.
And though you may think I have forgotten and brushed the incident away, this has caused me to think long and hard about what the term “Respect” actually means – to ME.
I try to Respect the world that I live in… My Country, in particular, and the laws that govern me.
I may not always agree with my Local, State, and National Government & Laws, but I try to do what the law says and with that, I feel I Respect the Law.
Same thing with Religion… I have Mine and You have Yours.
My Religion really has no proper name, but for what it’s worth – I believe in Something and Someone Higher than myself – I Respect MY God.
You may not agree with my Religion and I may not agree with your Religion, But if THAT’s your thing – Have at it.
That’s all the Respect I have for Religion.
While my Parents were alive, I had great Respect for both of them.
And now that they have passed away, I probably hold them in an even Higher Regard.
Yes, I STILL Respect my Parents.
I Respect my property and yours.
I take care of my stuff and when you ask me to look after your stuff, I take care of it, too.
I treat it like my own.
I feel I return the same amount of Politeness and Cordiality to most individuals as they assert to me.
I try to treat others the way I feel they should treat me.
I try to treat myself the way I want to be treated.
I give Respect.
I Take Gap, I Give Gap.
I give a Smile for a Smile.
I relay an Attitude for an Attitude.
What I get, I return.
In My Opinion, THAT is “Respect”.
But now I think about what “Respect” may mean to you.
… And for this, I’ve pulled out my trusty dictionary and found the following definition:
re·spect
[ri-spekt]
noun
1.
a particular, detail, or point (usually preceded by in ): to differ in some respect.
2.
relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.
3.
esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
4.
deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect’s right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.
5.
the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.
6.
respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.
7.
favor or partiality.
Have I really been Disrespectful to YOU – My Accusor?
Ok, maybe you believe that I don’t see the high worth and excellence in you.
Or that I don’t hold you in a such a High Degree of Esteem or Honor.
But have you earned THAT?
At one time, I saw you as a Tough and Tumble Individual – possibly even a bit stronger than myself.
But the chink in your armor was revealed.
I saw it and I realized that we are equals.
Is my personal re-evaluation of You – and of myself {for that matter} – really what you should deem as Disrespect?
I think not.
If asked if I have ever been disrespected, I can only think of a few instances in my life that I feel I have come close or may fit.
Like: The few times that I have been Stood-up for a Date or Appointment and have not received an apology or an explanation,
Or Like: Having Someone {particularly a Man/Love Interest} try to “Door-Mat” me or “Wear” me like an Old Sock,
Or, Like: When I’ve loaned someone some money or an item and the money or item was never returned, acknowledged, or worse – Returned in an Altered State.
Or, Like: When I was 10 years old at Girl Scout Camp and one of the other campers called me a few Not-So-Nice names and then threw dirt on me.
Other than that, I can’t think of much that is really worth dwelling over.
So now, I just Googled this sentence: “What are examples of Disrespect?”
And this is what I got:
“A few examples of disrespect are: Talking about someone behind their back, Mocking or Teasing someone, Stereotyping someone, Making fun of someone, or Pressuring someone into doing something they don’t want to do.”
Is This Really What You Mean?!?
THAT stuff happens to ALL of us.
Every Day. Day In and Day Out
If THAT is what hurts you, I’m sorry.
I truly, truly am.
But I think we all may need to lighten up a bit.
Shake it off and keep moving.
Maybe you shouldn’t allow yourself to ponder so much on Others’ respect for you.
Think about it.
Instead, maybe you should concentrate on the Respect you have for Yourself.
It’s Rough out here.
If I have learned nothing else in my short life time, It’s THIS:
Self Respect is one of the most important personal attributes anyone can have.
“Doing All Right” (also spelled “Doin’ All Right” and “Doin’ Alright”) was originally a song from the British group Smile, which would later come to be known as Queen. It was written by Brian May and Tim Staffell. The song changes many times throughout, from light pop music to acoustic guitars and even contains a section that could only be referred to as heavy metal. This is one of the few Queen songs to feature Brian May on the piano. He also played his old Hairfred acoustic guitar on this track and on later tracks such as “White Queen (As It Began)” and “Jealousy”. The band played this song as early as 1970, and it was notable as the band’s first song Freddie Mercury played live on the piano for. Staffell sang it when it was a Smile song, and Mercury tried to sing in the same manner when it became a Queen song. The version on the album At the Beeb features Roger Taylor singing lead vocals on the last verse.
Yesterday my life was in ruin
Now today I know what I’m doing
Got a feeling I should be doing all right
Doing all right
Where will I be this time tomorrow?
Jumped in joy or sinking in sorrow
Anyway I should be doing all right
Doing all right
Should be waiting for the sun
Looking round to find the words to say
Should be waiting for the skies to clear
There ain’t time in all the world
Should be waiting for the sun
And anyway I’ve got to hide away
Yesterday my life was in ruin
Now today God knows what I’m doing
Anyway I should be doing all right
Doing all right
reginathegodmother.com 
