The Invisible Fence

I was bitten by a dog once.

A long time ago.

I turned 13 years old during that summer and lived on a street where a neighbor had a Doberman Pinscher.

This was back in the mid-70’s when Doberman’s were really popular as a guardian and protection breed.

The Smith’s had a beautiful female named Lacy who was tall and majestic and looked like a shiny Pony.

Whenever I walked past the Smith’s house, she would run to the edge of the yard and stop just long enough to sniff me and let me me rub her head. She was protecting “her territory”. It was my guess that she was “allowing” me to continue down the street, because she “knew” me.

In July, Lacy gave birth to a litter of 4 puppies. Out of those 4, was one lone male pup whom they decided to keep. He was the runt of the litter and I don’t think the Smith’s really expected him to survive long.

… But, he fooled everyone and quickly, he grew to almost twice the size of Lacy. Just as any Mother would be, Lacy was very protective of her “little” pup.

For hours on end, I used to sit at my bedroom window and watch Lacy and that male puppy play in the yard.

I noticed that somehow, even though the Smith’s yard was not fenced, Lacy managed to figure out the property limits and she knew just how far the two of them could wander without getting into trouble. In essence, Lacy had set her own Invisible Fence/Boundary for herself and her pup.

When strangers approached her Boundary line, Lacy would let out a warning bark. The Bark was meant not only to tell strangers to “Beware of Dog” but also to warn her pup of impending “Danger”.

Everytime her pup got close to the sidewalk or the edge of the driveway, Lacy would run over and nip him at the back of his hind legs to remind him to “stay close”.

Funny… I thought I “knew” Lacy very well, but apparently, I didn’t.

One Saturday afternoon as I was walking home from the Bowling Alley, I saw Lacy and her pup playing in the front yard.

The Smith’s and their children were no where in sight.

As I approached the yard, Lacy let out her Bark. I kept walking. Her pup ran closer. Finally, as Lacy realized that I was getting “too close”, she ran and cut the distance between me and her pup. She hurried to nip his hind leg and then {for good measure} turned an bit a chunk out of my thigh.

Before I knew it, I was down and both Lacy and her pup were back sitting on the front step of their house just as though nothing had happened.

****

Many years passed before I realized that THAT experience proved to be a lesson in Boundaries.

Boundaries.

We set limits, guidelines, and rules for how we associate with the world around us. Our friends, families, and aquaintences, even strangers are expected to understand and obey the Boundries that we place around ourselves.

Unfortunately, sometimes our Boundries are not clear to everyone. Nor do they remain in place ~ Often times, we lose sight of the line all together. The invisible lines – Boundary – that we draw in the sand gets erased, yet we still expect it to be seen and obeyed by the people with whom we come in contact.

Social Media is interesting… Where are the Boundaries?

Many people use Social Media as a way to express themselves and often do so without realizing that they have opened their life for EVERYONE to see.

We say things and portray ourselves in ways that we would never consider if we were not sitting behind a keyboard… Then, when an acquaintance crosses the line or replies with something deemed inappropriate = All Hell Breaks Loose.

We classify a list of 2500+ people as our “friends”, yet we get Mad and/or Angry when they act too friendly.

In today’s world, it is nearly impossible to separate Social Media from True Life.

We can not be one person on our facebook page and another person at work or on our resume. It’s impossible.

Lacy kept sight of her Boundary at all times. She knew where it was and she protected it against friend and foe. She made certain that everyone around her knew just where it was, too.

When we blur or erase our own personal Boundaries, how can we expect others to know where the line is drawn?

As defined in Wikipedia:

Personal boundaries – Guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him- or herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits. They are built out of a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning. Personal boundaries define you as an individual, outlining your likes and dislikes, and setting the distances you allow others to approach. They include physical, mental, psychological and spiritual boundaries, involving beliefs, emotions, intuitions and self-esteem.

Who’s Your Daddy?

Apr9

Last week, we celebrated what would have been Daddy’s 81st Birthday.

Sixteen years ago, at the age of 65, he unexpectedly died of a massive heart attack.

He was an Old Military War Horse.

A retired {26 years served} Air Force Chief Master Sergeant {CMSgt}.

A rugged Korean and Vietnam War era veteran, whom we always believed would outlive us and whom we undoubtedly thought could live FOREVER.

On Saturday night, my Big Brother and I sat at the bar of a little Mexican Restaurant and raised our beer mugs to honor “The Old Dude” whom we now affectionately refer to as: “Mr. Anderson” (a long story).

Later, we relaxed at home in the living room, toked on an half-smoked Cohiba (a REAL Cuban, left over from New Year’s Eve), and “clinked” shot glasses full of Jack Daniels – all while we laughed and shared tales of our childhood.

This was the first time we’d celebrated Daddy’s birthday together in years. It was a surreal experience. Daddy was definitely with us that night – in Spirit.

Our memories of Daddy are similar, yet very different. My Brother and I share most stories word-for-word, yet some other “Daddy Tales” seem more like third person fables that have been passed through the years of our lives.

A five-year gap between me and my Brother’s ages caused Daddy to relate to each of us differently… We assume THAT is the catalyst of our different memories.

Still, it’s funny that although Daddy has been gone from this earth for so many years, that night, both of us admitted that we still seek Daddy’s wisdom and advice on a daily basis.

You may find it strange, but I probably “talk” to Daddy more now than I did during the last years of his life.

How could that be possible?

Well, Daddy comes to me in my dreams, he speaks to me when I am troubled and alone. At times when I find I need an “extra push”, or when I need help with a difficult dilemma, he’s there to gently nudge me along. For simple decisions or even for the most complex issues, he is there to offer his advice.

I liken it to the tiny Angel and/or Devil that the Protagonist feels sitting on his shoulders while in the midst of a difficult decision.

It is similar a quick phone call to a Buddy to ask her opinion: “Should I choose Red or White?” or just like a “Phone a Friend” option on a game show. Either way, Daddy is always there for me.

Today, as I drove to the gym, I thought about some of the life lessons that Daddy taught me = Future Fodder for this blog…

Occasionally, it does me well to reflect on these and consider their validity.

A Few Lessons from My Daddy:

You need to be happy to survive this life. Do what YOU love and don’t surrender = You will always be happy.

Nothing has to be permanent. Although there may be consequences, you ALWAYS have the option to change your mind.

Never, Never, Ever burn the bridge. That bridge could lead you to new and exciting places that you never knew existed -OR- you may need to cross that bridge again to go back from whence you came.

We are taught to LOVE one another, but no one ever said that we have to LIKE one another. To be Cordial is enough.

It’s a small world… You’re gonna keep running into the same folks over and over and over again. Keep THAT in mind, because, one day, either YOU or The Other Guy is gonna need a favor. {In other words: Just keep it Cordial.}

Whether he’s your Daddy literally or figuratively, or Dead or Alive, I’m certain that each of us have bits of wisdom from our “Daddy” that guides us through our lives.

Today, I challenge you by asking:

“Who’s YOUR Daddy?”

and

“What are some of the life lessons that he’s taught you?”

Think about it.

No Explanation is Necessary.

Mar25

A Famous Man once wrote: “To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”

A couple of years ago, I made a “mistake”. By the time I realized that I’d made that “mistake”, it was too late.

I was weak and had no faith in myself. I was not thinking with my right mind. Instead, I allowed myself to be persuaded by a lonely heart.

It was a strange time. A period of cryptic phone messages and secret meetings. The time on the clock passed slowly, yet the days on the calendar moved quickly. When I realized exactly how many months had been torn off of the calendar, more than a year had gone by.

It was more than a year of pretending to be happy, smiling, and laughing. When all the while, I was actually sad, cold, and empty. I was resting inside of a thin shell.

Yes, I had a conscience, but I resolved my feelings by telling myself that “I was not ‘The One’ at fault.” I constantly reminded myself that I was an individual who was free to live my life as I pleased.

Whenever I felt a twinge of guilt, I was hypnotised by lavish promises of changed behavior and assurances of improved circumstance. Nothing ever changed. It all remained the same.

I awakened one day and realized that I was being foolish. I had nothing to show for my “mistake”. I was alone in more ways than one. I had shunned my friends… I did THAT because I didn’t want them to know anything about my reticent whereabouts or my shameful behavior. Yes, SHAMEFUL.

I put a halt to the cryptic phone messages and no longer allowed myself to be available for the secret meetings. I found new strength in a place where previously I had only felt weakness. I allowed myself to see my “mistake” in all its glory.

Recently, my “mistake” has come to light again. I have disregarded its signals for the sake of allowing bygones to be bygones. My phone rings. My email holds coded messages. I ignore them.

Last week, I picked up the phone and began dialing the number. Halfway through dialing, I realized that I was being sucked toward the Vortex. It was nothing more than ploy. I hung up without completing the call.

I know now that the messages that I’ve received have NOTHING to do with Me. Nothing. Those messages are merely an ego boost for the Caller. I am taking the high road.

“I can not meet you.”

It is over.

No explanation is necessary.

What do you want from me?

Jan19

Writing is something I do every single day.

For my 8^th birthday, I received my first lockable “Daily Diary” and I have journaled about my life just about every day since then.

I also enjoy Creative Writing.

Over the years, I have stabbed at writing short stories and a few novels. I am currently writing a book about my life experiences. Hmmm… Imagine that.

In addition, I love writing about sports. Google me and you’ll see that I’ve spent some time writing for a few magazines and websites on topics related to the Mixed Martial Arts Industry. That’s a topic that I love very deeply! I could go on and on and on about MMA and the Fight Industry…

A few years back, I was a regular poster/blogger on a popular exercise website. My writing there not only helped me to lose 67 pounds, but it also encouraged others to keep the faith and maintain their own successful weight loss journeys.

Not long ago, a TV producer found some of my writings and contacted me to be a part of her television documentary where I was given the chance to share some of my life story. I never expected that my writing would lead to my own “15 minutes of fame”! What a Head Rush that was!!!

Needless to say, WRITING and JOURNALING remains a major part of my life.

In my possession, I still have most of my old journals and notebooks that I’ve kept throughout the years.

From year to year my journals have changed… Some are no more that tiny Hallmark Calendars with highlights of my day scribbled in each calendar square, while others have been hard back blank books, spiral notepads, or college ruled composition books. It has only been the last 5 or 6 years that the bulk of my writing is actually on a computer. Times have changed!

Folks that talk to me on a regular basis know that I usually have a personal story or experience about every topic.

YES, I am THAT person.

Been THERE – Done THAT: {eyes rolling} “Here she goes AGAIN!”

This blog; “Regina: The Godmother’s Guide to Life” is meant to be just that. It is A Guide to Life.

Be it Serious or Tongue and Cheek, I have a million stories that I want to share. BUT, I also I want to write about the topics that interest you.

What do you want from me?

http://youtu.be/FmeKSU6JMHQ

Email me at: reginathegodmother@gmail.com and tell me.

Ask advice, request a funny story, or prod me with a serious topic.

I am an Open Book.

No matter what, please trust that for whatever topic I write about, I will NEVER, EVER, EVER use your name or reveal your identity. Although you may see yourself in my words I will never call you out by name.

My writings are about life experiences.

My Life.

Your Life.

Our Life

Here is my personal assurance to you and I say this with my full conviction:

Don’t you worry. I’ve got this.

Who is Regina: TheGodmother?

Dec24

First and Foremost, I am Self Proclaimed as Regina TheGodmother.

I am:
A Hu$tler, A Chauffeur, A Life Coach, A Spiritual Adviser, A Speaker of the Truth, A Girl Scout, A Personal Assistant, An Ordained Minister, A General Busy Body, A Trained Assassin, A Sports Management Consultant, A Marriage and Family Counselor, A Dog Catcher, A Babysitter of Grown Folks, and A Slayer of Evil Monsters.

I am 100% Boss and Everybody’s Best Friend Forever.

All these titles – no matter how silly they sound – have been attached to me at some point in my life or another and have made me the person that I am today.

So, it is with purposeful conviction that I will work to assist you in resolving your day to day issues and give you insight on the world around you.

This is not meant solely to be an Advice Column. Those who seek advice from me should take just about everything I write with a grain of salt and discern as to whether my response is actually Serious or Tongue-in-Cheek. Depending on the day, you may read ANYTHING here.

You’ll find that this Blog is more or less the Mad Ramblings of a Woman {me} who at 48 years old found her life spinning in what she felt was the wrong direction. I was riding a Merry-Go-Round and needed to get off of it. And much like the line in the old song by John Lennon: “Watching The Wheels” – I just had to let it go!

Now, two years later, I am living the life that I’ve always wanted to live.

I do not profess to know ALL the answers… And although I’m often sarcastically called a “Know it All”, I do not consider myself to be the “All Knowing Wizard of Oz”. I can not wave a magic wand and get you back to Kansas or anywhere else for that matter.

My goal is to allow you the opportunity to view issues from the perspective of an individual {me} who has experienced some of the Best as well as some of the Worst that life has had to offer her in the last 50 years.

Exactly WHO I AM: my Education, my Background, my Marital Status, etc… will become apparent with each Blog that I write. There is no need for me to go into all of that now. I am an open book and time will tell you all that you need to know about Me as a person. I am very honest about Who I am and Where I come from…

For years, people of all backgrounds and age groups have come to me to ask for my opinion and insight on subjects that affect their lives.

Why do people seek my opinion?

I really don’t know, specifically.

But I will tell you this:

I have experienced a lot in my Lifetime… And I have repeated this statement to many people:

“I am Regina and I am 50 years old. I have either Done It, Thought about Doing It, Am Considering Doing it Right Now, Going to do it SOON, or have held someone’s hand while They Did It. I know a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff.”

And to that end, if I can’t help you sort out what’s going on in your life – Nobody can.

You Can Believe THAT.