She’d listened to a few of my “He just broke up with me” stories…
And I’d done the same for her.
We’d hung out together when there was no one else around.
Our apartments were two floors apart.
On some Friday nights, we would be almost penniless.
Neither of us would have enough money to buy a six pack.
We’d dump our purses, gather what little change we had, and drive to the Beer Store to purchase a quart to cry over.
For entertainment:
We opened the curtains to the sliding glass door, cranked up the music, and danced with our reflections while the radio played full blast.
Our neighbors would knock on the ceiling to ask us to “Turn it down!”
When her son was born, He would not acknowledge him…
But, I did.
I was there to see his birth.
I saw him step on his first school bus.
I watched him graduate high school.
Our lives moved in different directions.
We lost track of time and years.
We missed each other.
Her son called today to tell me the news.
“She is Gone.”
This is Yet Another Testament as to why I am no longer Married (and probably Never shall be Again):
Several times over the weekend I heard these words come out of Grown Men’s mouths:
“My Wife (or Girlfriend) Won’t Let Me: ______.”
At issue, was something petty and ridiculous stemming from the Wife’s (or Girlfriend’s) own INSECURITY about herself.
I am both pained and saddened by this for three reasons:
#1) The fact that I know so many men who allow themselves to Openly and Freely become Emasculated by the women whom they Love.
#2) The fact that there are so women who are insecure in their ability to maintain a Loving relationship with their spouse (or boyfriend) WITHOUT placing “handcuffs” on them or threatening them with crazy-ness.
#3) The fact that I find I have NO Respect for these people – Husband (or Wife) / Boyfriend (or Girlfriend).
This especially makes me sad, because sometimes I see my own friends transform from independent, self-sufficient human beings into Troubled and Sickly puppies (or kittens) whom can not see for themselves what they have become.
I can not “help” them or “rescue” them in any way.
It’s as though they have lost their own individuality and all sense of themselves in their relationship.
I guess this is the kind of Love that I shall never experience or know.
P.S. It goes BOTH ways… There are plenty of Husbands (or Boyfriends) who:
“…Won’t let their Wives (or Girlfriends): _______.”
Either way, these people are happy living in their Penalty Boxes.
Uh, errr, I mean… Relationships. Or at least they “say” they are.
Trouble is the debut album by Mainesinger-songwriterRay LaMontagne. It was released on September 14, 2004 in the United States, and on September 20, 2004 in the United Kingdom. Although the album was released in 2004, the song didn’t enter the top five of the UK charts until August 2006. The album was produced by Ethan Johns, released on RCA Records, marketed by BMG and distributed by Stone Dwarf Records.
“Trouble” was featured in the second season of the American television show Rescue Me.
Trouble… Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble Trouble been doggin’ my soul since the day I was born Worry… Worry, worry, worry, worry Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone We’ll I’ve been… Saved by a woman I’ve been… Saved by a woman I’ve been… Saved by a woman She won’t let me go She won’t let me go now She won’t let me go She won’t let me go now Trouble… Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble Feels like every time I get back on my feet She come around and knock me down again Worry… Oh, worry, worry, worry, worry Sometimes I swear it feels like this worry is my only friend We’ll I’ve been saved… By a woman I’ve been saved… By a woman I’ve been saved… By a woman She won’t let me go She won’t let me go now She won’t let me go She won’t let me go now Oh…, Ahhhh…. Ohhhh She good to me now She gave me love and affection She good tell me now She gave me love and affection I Said I love her Yes I love her I said I love her I said I love… She good to me now She’s good to me She’s good to me
I have been accused of many things in my lifetime, but recently was taken aback when I was accused of Disrespecting you.
And though you may think I have forgotten and brushed the incident away, this has caused me to think long and hard about what the term “Respect” actually means – to ME.
I try to Respect the world that I live in… My Country, in particular, and the laws that govern me.
I may not always agree with my Local, State, and National Government & Laws, but I try to do what the law says and with that, I feel I Respect the Law.
Same thing with Religion… I have Mine and You have Yours.
My Religion really has no proper name, but for what it’s worth – I believe in Something and Someone Higher than myself – I Respect MY God.
You may not agree with my Religion and I may not agree with your Religion, But if THAT’s your thing – Have at it.
That’s all the Respect I have for Religion.
While my Parents were alive, I had great Respect for both of them.
And now that they have passed away, I probably hold them in an even Higher Regard.
Yes, I STILL Respect my Parents.
I Respect my property and yours.
I take care of my stuff and when you ask me to look after your stuff, I take care of it, too.
I treat it like my own.
I feel I return the same amount of Politeness and Cordiality to most individuals as they assert to me.
I try to treat others the way I feel they should treat me.
I try to treat myself the way I want to be treated.
I give Respect.
I Take Gap, I Give Gap.
I give a Smile for a Smile.
I relay an Attitude for an Attitude.
What I get, I return.
In My Opinion, THAT is “Respect”.
But now I think about what “Respect” may mean to you.
… And for this, I’ve pulled out my trusty dictionary and found the following definition:
re·spect
[ri-spekt]
noun
1.
a particular, detail, or point (usually preceded by in ): to differ in some respect.
2.
relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.
3.
esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
4.
deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect’s right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.
5.
the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.
6.
respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.
7.
favor or partiality.
Have I really been Disrespectful to YOU – My Accusor?
Ok, maybe you believe that I don’t see the high worth and excellence in you.
Or that I don’t hold you in a such a High Degree of Esteem or Honor.
But have you earned THAT?
At one time, I saw you as a Tough and Tumble Individual – possibly even a bit stronger than myself.
But the chink in your armor was revealed.
I saw it and I realized that we are equals.
Is my personal re-evaluation of You – and of myself {for that matter} – really what you should deem as Disrespect?
I think not.
If asked if I have ever been disrespected, I can only think of a few instances in my life that I feel I have come close or may fit.
Like: The few times that I have been Stood-up for a Date or Appointment and have not received an apology or an explanation,
Or Like: Having Someone {particularly a Man/Love Interest} try to “Door-Mat” me or “Wear” me like an Old Sock,
Or, Like: When I’ve loaned someone some money or an item and the money or item was never returned, acknowledged, or worse – Returned in an Altered State.
Or, Like: When I was 10 years old at Girl Scout Camp and one of the other campers called me a few Not-So-Nice names and then threw dirt on me.
Other than that, I can’t think of much that is really worth dwelling over.
So now, I just Googled this sentence: “What are examples of Disrespect?”
And this is what I got:
“A few examples of disrespect are: Talking about someone behind their back, Mocking or Teasing someone, Stereotyping someone, Making fun of someone, or Pressuring someone into doing something they don’t want to do.”
Is This Really What You Mean?!?
THAT stuff happens to ALL of us.
Every Day. Day In and Day Out
If THAT is what hurts you, I’m sorry.
I truly, truly am.
But I think we all may need to lighten up a bit.
Shake it off and keep moving.
Maybe you shouldn’t allow yourself to ponder so much on Others’ respect for you.
Think about it.
Instead, maybe you should concentrate on the Respect you have for Yourself.
It’s Rough out here.
If I have learned nothing else in my short life time, It’s THIS:
Self Respect is one of the most important personal attributes anyone can have.
A Famous Man once wrote: “To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”
A couple of years ago, I made a “mistake”. By the time I realized that I’d made that “mistake”, it was too late.
I was weak and had no faith in myself. I was not thinking with my right mind. Instead, I allowed myself to be persuaded by a lonely heart.
It was a strange time. A period of cryptic phone messages and secret meetings. The time on the clock passed slowly, yet the days on the calendar moved quickly. When I realized exactly how many months had been torn off of the calendar, more than a year had gone by.
It was more than a year of pretending to be happy, smiling, and laughing. When all the while, I was actually sad, cold, and empty. I was resting inside of a thin shell.
Yes, I had a conscience, but I resolved my feelings by telling myself that “I was not ‘The One’ at fault.” I constantly reminded myself that I was an individual who was free to live my life as I pleased.
Whenever I felt a twinge of guilt, I was hypnotised by lavish promises of changed behavior and assurances of improved circumstance. Nothing ever changed. It all remained the same.
I awakened one day and realized that I was being foolish. I had nothing to show for my “mistake”. I was alone in more ways than one. I had shunned my friends… I did THAT because I didn’t want them to know anything about my reticent whereabouts or my shameful behavior. Yes, SHAMEFUL.
I put a halt to the cryptic phone messages and no longer allowed myself to be available for the secret meetings. I found new strength in a place where previously I had only felt weakness. I allowed myself to see my “mistake” in all its glory.
Recently, my “mistake” has come to light again. I have disregarded its signals for the sake of allowing bygones to be bygones. My phone rings. My email holds coded messages. I ignore them.
Last week, I picked up the phone and began dialing the number. Halfway through dialing, I realized that I was being sucked toward the Vortex. It was nothing more than ploy. I hung up without completing the call.
I know now that the messages that I’ve received have NOTHING to do with Me. Nothing. Those messages are merely an ego boost for the Caller. I am taking the high road.
I used to have two cars.
Both cars, I owned – free and clear.
One of my cars was a really “Nice” later model car that I drove almost all the time – rain or shine.
It had a lot of accessories, special features, and bells and whistles that I liked.
Actually, I really LOVED ALL the extra stuff that I’d added to my Nice car!
I special ordered that car and I liked to show it off to all my friends.
I had a special vanity plate on the back and a cute little sticker on the back bumper that set my car apart from all the others.
I always kept the gas tank full of premium gas.
Usually, when I drove my Nice car, I kept the convertible top down and played the music really loud so that everybody noticed me, heard me coming, and saw me driving.
Parking was a no-brainer…
I always used the valet service to park it and I always allowed the valet person put it right out in front of the building so EVERYBODY could see it.
I loved to watch other people’s faces as they admired how nice a car I actually owned.
I LOVED that car!
I kept my other car parked in my Garage.
My other car really was not a “Rust Bucket” – it was actually a pretty cool little car – but for the sake of THIS story, that’s what I’ll call it – “Rust Bucket”
Sometimes, I parked it in my driveway to allow the sun to shine on it.
Sometimes, I kept it wrapped in a cloth car cover to keep the dust off of it.
But usually, I just kept my Rust Bucket in my Garage.
It really was nothing special.
It didn’t have a lot of accessories, special features, or bells and whistles.
I didn’t special order it.
Actually, I really can’t even remember exactly how I acquired it.
It didn’t have a vanity plate or special bumper stickers to identify it as mine.
It didn’t have a special paint job or any special features of which I was aware.
I only kept the most minimum maintenance on it.
I rarely gave it a full tank of gas – usually I maintained only ¼ tank…
Sometimes, I didn’t wash it for months.
I don’t think I ever waxed it.
I didn’t change the oil very often and regular tune-ups non-existent.
I only drove the Rust Bucket occasionally.
Sometimes, I drove it on special occasions and holidays. But on those days, it was only because:
A) I knew I wouldn’t be traveling far from home
B) I knew I wouldn’t to be out for a long time
C) I knew I would not be leaving the house until late at night
or
D) I knew that no one would see me
I was NOT ashamed of my Rust Bucket – I just really liked driving my Nice car and preferred to keep my Rust Bucket around for emergencies and boring rides.
Every now and then, someone would inquire about buying my Rust Bucket.
But, I didn’t want to sell it.
Sometimes, they would even ask if they could borrow it.
My answer was always: “No!”
My logic was that although I rarely drove my Rust Bucket, there may have come a day when I actually NEEDED it.
So, whenever someone would show a little interest in my Rust Bucket, I would take it out of my Garage and drive it around for a few days.
A few days was just enough to prove to myself {and everyone else} that I still NEEDED my Rust Bucket.
Once, someone came to my Garage and took my Rust Bucket for a joy ride.
They didn’t ask me if they could drive it, they just rummaged around in the drawers of my Garage, found the keys and drove it away for a few days.
The engine was very quiet.
I didn’t even notice that the Rust Bucket had been gone until it was returned.
They parked it back in my Garage seemingly unnoticeable.
Upon return, I noticed that my Rust Bucket had been washed and the oil had been changed.
It didn’t have any scratches on it, but I could tell that it had been driven by someone else.
I didn’t report it stolen. But, I did get very, very, very angry once I realized what had happened.
Yep, I had two cars…
And after many years of maintaining those two cars, I realized that it was more of a hassle than it was worth.
Why did I NEED two cars when in actuality I was only driving the NICE car on most days?
I was being Greedy.
And you know what?
I realized that my Greed not only affected me but it affected others as well.
Greed is the inordinate desire to possess wealth, goods, or objects of abstract value with the intention to keep it for one’s self, far beyond the dictates of basic survival and comfort.
It’s my opinion that Greed can be applied to People, Places, or Things.
Thus, I believe that a person can be greedy in a Romantic Relationship or Friendship – an inordinate desire to possess another person and/or their feelings.
Obviously, my Tale of Two Cars is a very broad analogy.
It’s MY assessment of one type of Romantic relationship that I have been involved in over and over again.
There were times when I played the part of the Owner of the two cars and there were times when I played the part of one of those two types of cars.
Occasionally, I have been the Nice car.
But sometimes, I have have been the Rust Bucket.
Either way, whether I played the role of the Owner of the Car or The actual Car – the situation NEVER turned out nice.
Who are you?
How many cars do you own?
Or, better yet, who is holding on to your keys?
When you think about it like this, it doesn’t give you a very good feeling inside, Does it?
If you see yourself as the owner of two cars, then today is the day that you need get rid of one of those cars.
You really don’t need TWO cars.
And, what if you’re the Nice Car or the Rust Bucket?
Go find that greedy owner, reach in his/her pocket, and take back your keys!
You should do it now, while the engine is still hot.
reginathegodmother.com 